![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
Vernon Strikes Back!
April 7th, 2008 (04:55 pm)
Ah, how I love Wes Vernon. While I can say that I did try so very hard to find someone else to make fun of this time around, I guess that the Bengaye and Talcum-Powder scent of a fresh Vernon column simply proved irresistible. So much so, that I've decided to do another analysis of one of his thought-provoking yet cringe-inducing shit-bricks. But don't despair! There's a special treat at the end for all of you who make it through this week's offerings. Stay tuned!
C'mon! With a face like that, how can you go wrong?
The year is 2025 or thereabouts; pick another year if you wish, because this hypothetical scenario is a real possibility.
Wes, Wes, Wes! By 2025, everyone knows that the western atheist post-Christian nanny-state will have collapsed and the whole world will have been overrun by the raving Mussleman hordes, thereby rendering your hypothetical scenario impossible! If this has any chance of actually coming true, you'll have to bump the date up until at least 2015.
Russia has argued in the United Nations for the independence of California.
California's leading minority-grievance activists presume to speak for the state's Spanish-speaking majority — or near majority, depending on the coming census. They have succeeded in pressuring the state legislature and governor into declaring the state's independence from the United States of America. California thus would become the first U.S. state to attempt secession since the mid-19th Century, though a self-proclaimed socialist senator from Vermont has made noises in that direction over the years.
Oooh, this is getting better! Not only do we now have the Russkie proto-communists howling outside the city walls, but the reconquista-minded denizens of Atzalan, no longer content with mowing lawns and bussing tables for $3.50 an hour have finally risen up and demanded independence from the tyranny of the gringos! All we need are some atheist-abortionist-homo-Muslims, and the unholy trinity will have been completed!
Russia, having gone to war with the U.S. over the latter's 2008 successful use of its power to back the Muslim-majority Kosovo in its drive for independence from Christian Serbia, is using its own increased authority in Europe and in the world community to bully the U.S. in world affairs.
In other words, you're saying that our missile shield really did stop those hundreds of Russian nukes heading our way? Ok Wes, now you're really stretching the boundaries of one's credulity.
Russia pronounces this as a drive for "liberation," an Orwellian term for its privately expressed desire to give Uncle Sam "as taste of his own medicine."
Well, if it actually wanted to give the United States a taste of its own medicine, it would, you know, claim that we live under the oppressive rule of a ruthless, megalomaniacal dictator who is Russia's sworn enemy and is packed to the gills with UFO-based laser technology which represents a threat to world peace. It would then, despite the vocal opposition of the international community launch a poorly conceived, ill-timed, and badly thought-out invasion of the United States, take control of our Alaska oilfields, allow the Smithsonians to be looted and burned, and proceed to kill about 500,000 of us while causing millions more to flee to Canada or Mexico. It would then insist that it had no long-term plans to occupy the United States while it built a few dozen permanent military bases and attempted to install a pro-Russian puppet as president while taking no steps to combat the widely escalating and ever-worsening violence between conservatives and liberals in the US.
Oh, and it would also randomly grab thousands of Americans off the streets and send them off to secret prisons in the rockies to be brutally tortured and then summarily executed, while reserving the "justice" of secret military tribunals for George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, and Condi Rice, followed by a low-quality, cell-phone captured hanging of of the aforementioned politicos by a sectarian execution team.
You know, if all it wants to do is support the liberation of California in a popularly-proclaimed vote for independence, that doesn't seem so bad.
The slogan, of course, served to encourage the (successful) campaigns for secessions by other ethnic and/or religious-motivated "breakaway provinces" elsewhere, Muslim and non-Muslim.
Wait, so I'm confused now. Are you saying the Nation of Islam gets its own homeland in the new Russian-occupied United States? Because I would be totally down with that. Give them the rest of South Dakota and Idaho. It's not like anyone's using that.
Shortly after U.S. recognition of Serbia's breakaway province back in 2008, the American Council for Kosovo publicized an article arguing that "the dumbest statement about Kosovo's independence is that it will bring stability to the region, since as anyone can see the opposite is true."
Well, what else can you expect when you hire PR specialists of the caliber of Wes Vernon to draft your statements for you? The guy isn't exactly Shakespeare...
Russia went to war with the United States a few years ago, not only because of Vladimir Putin's support for Serbia in its part of the world — but also out of concern that the Kosovo breakaway would create similar pressures (in its own backyard) on the part of the restless and troubled Sunni Muslim province of Chechnya.
Yeah, because Chechnya was a peaceful and contented little province within greater Russia until those damned Kosovars started giving them funny ideas.
Now in 2025, the president of the United States has personally addressed the United Nations, arguing that California had been an integral part of the United States for 175 years and had been the home base of several U.S. presidents in the 20th Century. The pleas fell on deaf ears at the UN, as Russia was able to marshal the forces of the Islamic and Spanish-speaking nations and some allies in Africa and parts of Europe.
Holy shit! We really ARE going to be fighting Muslims and the gay-homo-euro-fag-fags after all!
The continental United States — notwithstanding the War of 1812, the Civil War, Pearl Harbor, and 9/11 — has been blessed with a relative absence of the ravishes of war on its own territory.
Yeah, the United States has been a pretty peaceful place. Unless of course you count all those wars we fought (and the ones Wes forgot to mention, like the Mexican-American War, the War of Independence, the War of Texan Independence, the bleeding Kansas conflict, and all those wars against the Indians). Not to mention the fact that I never realized that Pearl Harbor was part of the continental U.S.
John Bolton, President Bush's highly respected former ambassador to the United Nations,
If you use the term "highly respected" as a synonym for "laughingstock" or "manchurian," you'd be dead right...
is concerned about the administration's "dismissive attitude displayed toward Russia's objections [to an independent Kosovo] " and contends it would backfire against the United States in a very real and dangerous way.
This of course being the same guy whom the administration appointed ambassador to the UN after he claimed that there was no such thing as the 'United Nations,' I'd take anything he said with a grain of salt the size of the U.S.S. Enterprise.
Further contributing to the foreign policy downslide is the fact that all three major party candidates for the presidency — Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and John McCain — support independence for Kosovo. McCain, in fact, sent his wife Cindy to meet with Kosovo Prime Minister Hashim Thaci, implicitly signaling that if elected, McCain — as would be the case with either of his Democrat opponents — is fully supportive of the newly minted state.
You can almost hear Vernon jamming his fingers into his keyboard and shouting "PEOPLE! The Kosovars are FREAKING MUSLIMS!!!!!?!?!?!?!lolOMGBRB!!!!! You can't NEGOTIATE with these people!!"
It is sad to recall that President Bush — during his first campaign for the White House in 2000 — expressed a disdain for "nation-building." And yet in his second term, he has followed just that path with an intensity and stubbornness that would make Woodrow Wilson proud.
Which of course is a major no-no in Vernon's mind. Unless of course, we are referring to a place known as Akir-ay
and the Iddle-may East-way.
Though lionized by the liberal establishment , Wilson's pompous and self-righteous pursuit of nation-building made him one of the biggest failures in America presidential history.
Well technically, it was the conservatives in congress who vetoed Wilson's attempts to join the League of Nations that made him a failure, but as is usually the case in such circumstances, the Republicans get to point to Wilson and laugh while claiming a Mulligan for themselves.
What sense is there in pursuing Islamists in Iraq, while offering American prestige and power to establishing an Islamist state on the European continent? Not only an Islamist state, but one whose persecution of Christians is a matter of record.
Well, last I checked, there were already two "Islamic" states on the European continent, but that's neither here nor there.
His Grace Bishop Artemije of Ras and Prizen, a leading Serb cleric, came to Washington prior to the U.S. action and begged the White House to change its planned course of action.
"I do not welcome having to direct these critical words of the United States," the bishop declared. "Serbs have always regarded America as a friend and continue to do so.
Well, far be it for me to contradict such a prestigious member of the international hierarchy as a bishop of the Serbian Orthodox Church, but, his grace is simply wrong.
We are not the ones who are pursuing a confrontation today.
"Please. That genocide ended nearly a decade ago!"
Ok, we need to wrap this up.
Bush 43 thus engaged in an exercise that — aside from the damage alluded to above — puts an unspoken stamp of approval on Bill Clinton's legacy chestnuts which are thereby pulled out of the fire
Hehe...he said "nuts."
But then we are speaking of specialists beyond the rarified atmosphere of the nation-building striped pants diplomats who populate the State Department, whose building is appropriately nicknamed "Foggy Bottom."
Of course, as we learned last time, whenever there is a Foggy Bottom in Vernon's direction, you can be assured that the aroma has a distinctly porky smell. And no, it's not the hoitdog vendors on the corner either.
Till next time!
No YOU'RE a gay-homo-euro-fag-fag!